Life is not without loss. We can experience many types of loss. Right now I am coping with the death of two really special cats in our home. Yes, two!
Who died? Well, We lost Sapphire a couple of weeks ago. We believe he may have had a heart issue. Previously unknown. He first had a front leg go limp for about a day. Then got use of it again. He seemed normal but a couple of weeks later all of a sudden midday he was wimpering and came to lay in my arms. His backend was not working. I thought he may have had a bowel obstruction, been consptipated. Of course this situation made it difficult for him to go to the bathroom so the concern quickly became if he’s not eating and drinking or going to the bathroom he will die within about 48 hours. There was no vet available for hundreds of miles so our clinic gave me something to give him if he was constipated. He took that and I got him to eat a little and drink, but the back legs would not work. Finally there was a Vet able to see him locally so he got some steroids to help with inflammation and pain. They helped a little, but in a few days it wasn’t helping a lot. I called another Vet and she mentioned it could be a blood clot that escaped the heart and rested in his backend. Within another day he passed away. I had had a chance to hold him for many hours and comfort him and me in the process.
It is tuely heart breaking because he was a really special cat. His personality was so gentle and caring. He was 11 years old. He had a good life but had had several health problems through his life.
Our little Bug had a wild streak in him. He dashed out of the house when the door was open the other morning and before I could grab him he ran off. I kept thinking he would come home, but by night still hadn’t. I made some posters the next day and took them downtown. In a matter of minutes I got a call that somone thought they had found him but it wasn’t good news. He was either dying or already dead. So I quickly drove to the alley behind our local grocery store and the kind person who found him had placed him in a box. Yes, it was Bug. There wasn’t any blood or obvious injury so I ran him out to the vet clinic to be sure he was gone. Yes, there was no heartbeat. I’m not sure he had been gone for very long, but nothing was going to bring him back.
With Bug I feel guilty because I should have shut him in a room inside when I was going in and out. That would have prevented him from dashing outside. But, I didn’t do that and now I have to deal with losing the cute little guy. He was only 3 years old.
I don’t give up my animals easily. They are my “family”! I know many of you understand what I am saying.
I will need to accept that they are no longer here. I need to quit being mad at myself for not doing a better job of taking care of them. I’m not sure there was anything I could have done for Sapphire. I realized he wasn’t feeling 100 percent recently. But, there was nothing really obvious.
It is possible that Bug was sick as well. He had seemed to have lost weight and his appetite wasn’t as good as it was. God may have taken care of him so he didn’t suffer for any length of time and I didn’t have to suffer with that either.
There is also always another cat or kitten who needs a home and love and I can certainly give that to them. So there will be new kitties in our household relatively soon I am sure.
There is so much guilt when a pet is lost to death. If they are old and have a peaceful end it seems like God’s will, but other than that it feels like I am responsible. Not a good cat parent.
Rejoice in the Love and Good Times
Both of these animals gave me so much love and pleasure. I hope I made their life good, too. Sapphire was so unique in his gentleness with other cats and humans. He loved everyone who came into our home. Oscar, when he was so sick and frail, Rusty would lay on top of him all of the time, Oreo, Bug and Dutch. He did not hesitate to discipline them when they needed it. Then they would all be cuddling together on the bed. He had intelligent eyes, like he completely understood what you were saying to him. He is actually the 2nd flame point Siamese I have found as a stray. The first one had that same gentleness and intelligence. He had a urinary blockage that I didn’t realize because he lived in the wild and just came to me for food and water mostly, sometimes a little love.
Bug didn’t like to be held and cuddled for long periods of time. He had too much energy to stay still, but occassionaly he would come into my arms and rub his head or chin on my nose and chin. It was like he was giving a kiss. What a fun little kitten.
Dealing with the Anger of Death
Yes, it is normal to feel anger when you loose someone to death. That is part of the grieving process. So many times I have had animals in stressful situations and wasn’t sure they would survive, but God saved them so Why didn’t he save Sapphire and Bug this time? I don’t know the answer to that but I do know and believe even tho they are animals that we will see each other again someday in heaven.